Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 26. Ken Dodd 75. 271. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. 167. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. I train my body. Snowballs. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. I can do this. 130. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 52. Go to bed with satisfaction.". A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 171. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Paul Ehrlich, 241. 37. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. 230. Henny Youngman, 246. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 152. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. To thrive in life you need three bones. Microchips. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 1. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Love your enemies. I can always be fatter. 8. What do I do for a living? Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. 72. I intend to live forever. 54. I believe in what's possible for me. 11. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? 74. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 153. 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 47. 23. 227. 137. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Socrates. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. 252. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Bill Murray, 257. 60. 16. It doesnt work if it is not open. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 184. Alright, get in the basket.. 2. Bill Murray 119. I tried, but they wanted cash. 247. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. I nourish my body every day. Its a door, thats how they work. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Steven Wright I have a lot to offer. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. ~ Bill Gates. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. And get over it. 179. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence 133. 36. Run. 24. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 41. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Sam Levenson. Really? I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 39. 33. -Gandhi. I thought you said extra fries. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. A backbone. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. When they go away, its a brighter day. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. Raimonda.B. When they go away, its a brighter day. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Stuart Turner, 247. 146. 158. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. 150. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. - Catherine Pulsifer. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 186. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 14. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. 144. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 3. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. My son is now an entrepreneur. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 208. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. What do computers eat for a snack? 154. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. I enjoy every minute of it. Nobody gets out alive anyway. I didnt want to interrupt her. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. My jokes do. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. 153. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I get up, dress up, and show up. 111. Exercise? Live life to the fullest. 8. Groucho Marx. 38. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 132. Sincerely, yourself. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. 99. 241. 152. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Envelope. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. 110 Positive Funny Affirmations To Make You Smile Daily - The Random Vibez If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. I am awesome. My mood swings keep life interesting. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 9. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. Batwoman: single. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 105. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 223. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 123. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. 124. Short Funny Affirmations. 245. Bill Murray To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 24. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. 274. Gary Delaney, 248. When life closes a door, just open it again. Breasts dont have eyes. Roy Lichtenstein. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 9. 45. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 96. Exercise? It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Life is becoming easier and less serious. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 229. I try to see the funny side of every situation. 194. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 174. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Paul Ehrlich Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. I am positive. 176. Hi! "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". Emphasis on the cool. Yeah, so is a grenade. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 125. Looking for positive funny affirmations? Does it count if you say them in your mind? Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. "Your mistakes don't define you.". I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 1. I make the right choices every time. He who laughs last didnt get it. 4. I create my life on a quantum level. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. 197. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. 8. Best friends eat your food. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 210. Life always offers you a second chance. 110. Discover funny affirmations 's popular videos | TikTok Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 17. 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 137. Some people are like clouds. 148. 209. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. In the morning, I cant get up. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. I am on a seafood diet. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 21. 148. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. I will smile while I still have my teeth. - Bette Midler. Its okay, he woke up. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 78. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Ted Turner. 41 Positive Affirmations & Positive Quotes To Treasure How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 175. 42. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 81. 223. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. I'm having a staff meeting.". Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. 178. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 161. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Milton Berle, 245. 83. 178. 206. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 2. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. 228. I am too lazy to be lazy. 4. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. It just plain forms. 231. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 94. But you can always be immature. 143. 28. - F. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 267. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. I just go normal from time to time. 118. 202. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 97. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Decomposing. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Be careful when you follow the masses. 273. 215. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 2. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 127. 131. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 122. Sincerely, the floor. 27. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 1. I am intelligent. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Be careful when you follow the masses. Enjoy! 263. I understand success cant happen overnight. 131. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.
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